What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
