wat bout pragnant strippers??
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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