why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
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