I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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