I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
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lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
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Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
We are all done wearing pants today
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
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