So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize