I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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