We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
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dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
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