Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
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