Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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