dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
vagina is talking i cant
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
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