Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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