A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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