you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I could make wine with my vomit
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
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I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Alive.
So much puke
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I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
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