seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Randomize