Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
