we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
