Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Damn victory sex feels great
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
