I wannas sexs uuuuu
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize