Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Randomize
