This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
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