Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
