There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
