wat bout pragnant strippers??
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
