Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
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