Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
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