u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Randomize
