how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
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If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
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I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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