At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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