i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
