he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Randomize
