She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
30 People Reveal The Moment They Realized: ‘Oh Sh*t, I’m An A**hole’
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
30 Tiny Celebrity Tattoos You’ll Want To Run Out And Copy ASAP
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.