My room smells like vodka and shame
I accidentally had phone sex last night
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize