So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
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Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
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Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
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