I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
