So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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