I feel like abortions should bother me more
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
wow bdsm is so cute
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
