my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize