we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize