I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Randomize
