you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
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Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
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I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
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