all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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