Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
