how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
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