you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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