we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
