Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
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