some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
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