I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Randomize
