Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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